On standing still

The title of this blog post was from my failed post on the Boston Marathon bombing of last week - and how we can't hide ourselves away from the scary things in the world, how even though the world is not safe, it is important to continue to move forward, and that standing still gets us nowhere. Like I said on Facebook last week, I couldn't write a coherent post on Boston so I didn't - but the title remains.

I just keep looking at it: "On standing still" and think about how paralyzing fear is. How hypocritical it is for me to demand that the world get out and get running in the face of fear and danger and then cower beneath the covers of my own bed when I'm feeling uncertain. For you runners out there - do you map your run (.com?) before you set out, or do you just let your feet take you where they will? Have you ever turned a blind corner, knowing it may be a dead-end, a steep hill, or rocky terrain? If you *are* a mapper - like I am - what do you do when the route isn't as expected? I love knowing exactly what to expect, when to turn around, what my pace is and if I keep that pace up, just how soon I can be home for a snack and a potty break.

Obviously life is not a smoothly mapped run. Even a smoothly mapped run is not so smooth. Songs get stuck on repeat, you get a hot spot on your arch that turns into the cutest, more terrible heart-shaped blister, your thighs rub together until they look like you took a cheese grater to them, or you hit your favorite trail, only to discover it was washed out in a recent rainstorm.

I'm stuck and standing still right now. I feel like I can see the things I want but I don't know how to get there. The bridge is washed out, to use a worn out metaphor. Dang, I hate worn out metaphors. How about this one: (For some reason) I'm trying to get to Mordor and I can't find a way around this bog filled with the ghosts of the past?  So instead of pushing ahead, I'm hovering in the sidelines, feeling like I'm watching life happen around me - because it's easier and less scary than choosing the path less taken and having it make all the difference (badly).

Dude... We're trying to... WHERE?

Oh yeah, if you haven't figured out yet, my two biggest fears are failure and disappointing people. So it makes it paralyzing to make hard, scary choices. So now what? I guess I should run, keep running and try to clear my head a bit before the morning, because this is not a productive line of thinking.

Conquer your fears

Feel free to donate to my efforts: Marine Corps Marathon Fundraising for Epilepsy Therapy Project