Flashback

"Picture it: Sicily, 1922." (Any Golden Girls fans in the house??)

Ok, let's not flashback that far.

Last weekend's Fruitport Old Fashioned Days 10k was a hot mess of a race for me. I failed to read the fine print on the 2013 FOFD registration and so was not aware that the event was held on an open course. As in a winding country road, open to traffic going 55 mph, 9:30am on Memorial Day weekend (read: trucks hauling boat trailers, overzealous yard salers, funeral procession). Also, there were a grand total of 46 runners in the 10k, so yeah. The drivers couldn't even tell it was a race. I felt like I had a "hit me" sign on my back and ran stiff, nervous and slow due to my fear of dying. Oh and still being out of shape. I finally finished, a personal slowest in the 10k, 2nd to last. The race finishes on the Fruitport High School track. With everyone watching, waiting for the last finisher so the awards ceremony to begin. The 5k winner had been finished for an hour!

All of this brought back memories of my origins as a runner. As in the first time I was a runner.  Now that we've got that out of the way, let's go back, kiddos. Back to the scary and wonderful place called the 90s.

In this blog I've marked myself as "starting to run" in the Spring of 2012. But in reality, I started to run nearly 20 years before (SERIOUSLY?!? 20 YEARS?) on the junior high track team. My previous sports experience was spotty: I played softball for two years in elementary school with a singular goal - wait for the walk. 8 year-olds aren't good pitchers. Oh and pray no one hit the ball to me. So 2 goals. I spent 2 years on the basketball team in 5th and 6th grade, never to score a single point. In the fall of 7th grade I inexplicably joined cheerleading. Mostly, that kept me from having to join the basketball team. So once spring rolled around I found track. All I had to do was run in a circle. Preferably fast. No coordination, no catching, no clapping. Perfect!

Oh yeah, I was a cheerleader. Fall 1992.

As with most slow, athletically challenged runners, I was pegged as a distance runner, destined to run the 1 and 2 mile races. The problem with these races is that as I got older and the skill differential became more pronounced between "athletes," I found myself frequently in danger of getting lapped by the fast girls. Ugh. The horror. My primary goal as a high school track runner was to not be last and not get lapped in the 2 mile (8 laps).

10th Grade track, Spring 1996. Note the sweet digital watch and WWJD bracelet. 

This isn't a sad story of what a bad runner I was in junior high and high school. I actually found a groove - and it came in the form of Cross Country. Our high school hadn't had a XC team in 10 years, but the track coach felt we had a talented distance women's track team and should start a XC team again. It started in the fall of my sophomore year with about 7 girls and a new coach (our track coach was a teacher and XC coach at another high school), uniforms and snacks subsidized by a sponsor and cheering section provided by our mothers. Cross country is a beautiful sport for a slow distance runner, especially compared to track. We ran in the woods, on golf courses, in state parks, around schools and colleges, and in all weather and all terrain. Just an example - in those days Muskegon High School ran their course at Snug Harbor. Running up (what seemed like) vertical hills, down sand dunes, over tree roots, tripping and falling over said tree roots... it was all an adventure.

Junior year Cross Country, Fall 1996

With a small team, I was able to earn a varsity letter, actually SCORE in meets (unlike my basketball and track experiences) and experience success. I ran 5ks in the summer, and considered myself a "real runner." It inspired my love of running and exercising outdoors. And you don't get lapped.

Fruitport Old Fashioned Days 2013

Not all hearts and flowers

We've had lots of running posts lately, and I'm feeling pretty good about my running again. I found a 10k to run over Memorial Day weekend that has me facing the very real possibility of coming in last in a race, as I'm guessing there will be 100 entrants, tops. It will be like high school track all over again! But Mike helpfully pointed out that if only 100 people were running, very few would be watching, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

On to the tougher stuff. I promised in my opening post that I would talk more openly about epilepsy. One of the reasons I am raising money for the Epilepsy Therapy Project is because they are committed to accelerating new therapies for epilepsy and stopping Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy.

I have spent years trying to find the right combination of medications. Full body rashes = allergic to two popular medications. My next medication seemed to be chosen at random, and while I stayed on it for several years, I'm still not sure it did much for me but make me sleepy. I've found, in the last few years, a combination that works. I still get sleepy. One medication makes it harder for my body to regulate temperature through sweating, so as a runner, that's difficult. Until dosages were corrected, the other was giving me mini-spasms in my arms (cleared up now). But this is NOTHING compared to what others deal with everyday. Uncontrollable weight gain. Hair loss. Bladder and bowel issues. Birth defects. Liver damage. Gum disease and tooth loss. Aphasia. Migraines. And on and on. We can and must do better.

The scariest thing and what no one ever told me about is SUDEP - or Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy. If it sounds like SIDS, it's kind of how I would explain it. Someone with epilepsy dies for no known reason. While life is 100% fatal and people with epilepsy don't often die as a result of it, it does happen. SUDEP is not the same thing as drowning due to a seizure in the bathtub or having a head injury, or dying of whatever condition caused you to have seizures in the first place (stroke, cancer, genetic disorder). It really is unexplained and most often happens when people are alone or asleep and therefore little is known about the disorder. Except that it is rare and scary so people choose not to talk about it. Doctors don't talk about it to their patients. People with epilepsy don't talk about it at all - if they even know. So how will anyone ever study it and stop it?

If you click the link, you can learn more about Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy, including its possible causes: apnea (pause in breathing during seizures), heart rhythm problems and brain dysfunction. Controlling seizures and developing new technologies for monitoring of seizure activity can help.

We need to talk about the possibility that when people have poorly-controlled epilepsy, they are at real risk for bad outcomes. And we need to put REAL money into research. That's why I'm raising money.

I've said before, I'm lucky. But I'm at risk, just by virtue of my status as a person with epilepsy. And remind me to tell you about that one time the ER doc almost shocked with an AED because my heart rhythm was so whacked out.

That was a heavy post. Look at this kitty! 

Run like a slow animal is chasing you!

Yesterday was the 36th annual River Bank Run! It was also my first 25k race. Or... not. As my loyal 10 (being generous, more like 5) readers know, my spring training has been plagued by inclement weather, life stress and general low motivation. I struggled through the last weeks with the thought of running 15.5 miles on May 11. Sure, I had completed a half marathon in April, but I swore I would not run another race so unprepared in the future. So in the end, I took the easy/hard way out. As a ridiculously stubborn person who is hell-bent on pushing my limits, it took a lot to pull back - and it was the best thing! Instead of dreading yesterday and fretting about it all week, I approached the 10k race knowing with confidence I could finish it, would be able to walk straight today, and would not mess up my approaching marathon training.

The joy and sense of accomplishment that runners get is the #1 reason to do it. Not the t-shirts. Not the medals. Not the ability to eat and drink 1,500 calories guilt free. The 25k was hanging over me, weighing heavy on my mind and on my legs. So I decided to trade the sense of accomplishment of running my longest distance with bringing back the joy. Bring in 'da noise, bring in 'da funk, bring in 'da joy, so to speak. Dreading the race was keeping me from properly preparing. The thought that at 12.something min/miles the 25k would take 3+ hours was horrifying. Like that little girl from "The Ring" crawling out of your TV. "Psycho" shower scene. Severus Snape being a good guy. Yeah, that bad.

I went to the Race Changes booth and they just crossed off the "25" and replaced it with "10" on my bib and ensured that I'd be entered into the computer to change my race distance. I was able to trade in my 25k tech t-shirt for the LAST WOMEN'S MEDIUM 10k shirt. This is very important, as I told the woman that if I got and wore the 25k shirt, it would jinx me and I'd never finish a 25k. She looked at me like I was insane, but did not slap me (as I would have been tempted to do, if a woman was shrilly freaking out about a damn t-shirt). That was that. I'd run the 10k, just 6.2 miles confidently and hopefully smiling.

In short, the pre-race was great, seeing my Aunt Jean, Aunt Beth and cousin Justin who were running the 5k. We found Uncle Gary and my cousins Ross and Lauren who were competing in the 10k as well. I was so cheerful in the morning and on the ride there that Mike and Kari were genuinely concerned that it was a sign of the end of days. Luckily, by the time we reached our destination, I was back to my cranky morning self and was swearing in a church parking lot. The world made sense again.

The race was a little chilly with the wind on the river, but I race confidently, but not quickly. I was afraid to push it in the first half, not sure how I'd do in the last 3 miles. I'm glad I didn't go out too fast, as I've not done any speed work this season and would've had a tough time. I did, for once, have enough to kick during the half mile and smile for the finish line cameras, so I was happy with the finish. My only criticism of the finish line area is that they didn't have pretzels. I always want pretzels. If you organize a race, have pretzels. PLEASE.

The absolute best thing that came out of this race will be 12 months from now. With all the Helsen family members already at the race, we got an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful *awful* idea. Oh wait. That's the Grinch. This was just a wonderful idea. Next year, we'll round up as many of our 60+ members to enter the River Bank Run 5k for Mother's Day. Call it the Mother's Day 5k. Call it Forced Family Fun. Whatever you want. Whether you're a kid, a grandkid, married into the family, or just hang around the family of Ike and Dorothy Helsen, be at the River Bank Run next year. We'll have t-shirts. At least 15 people are already in. We've got some babysitters committed.  And we will run, walk and jog the 5k as a FAMILY. Kick ass, y'all.

That's it. I ran 6.2+ miles yesterday. Probably walked over 3, given how far away we parked. And it was great. And about 1/2 a mile from the finish, somebody had a sign that said Run like a slow animal is chasing you. I pointed at her, yelled, "HEY! That's ME! I'm that person!" and kicked it into gear. Pretty good little Saturday, if I do say so myself.

10k Results - Would have been a PR, had nature not called while I was at the John Ball Zoo water station.

Cousins! Check out Ross' sexy legs!

One year later

I've had a blog post sitting around, half finished for more than 5 days and it wasn't writing itself. It wasn't so much a case of writer's block as it was of "thinker's block" or "runner's block." See, I'm still having some trouble with my running and some struggles in my personal life, but the negative tone the post was unsettling me. This weekend was a bit of a breakthrough, however.

Saturday I woke up with my "I hate running" face on. Thankfully, Shawn had made me promise the night before that I would be at his house at 9am for a 6 mile run. So at the crack of 9:15, I was there. It was my first run with Shawn in a long time and my first run ever with his friend Jen, a genuine rabbit if I ever met one (even nursing a knee injury). I did my best to slow them down and after 6 difficult miles and a huge breakfast at Nina's, I begrudgingly admitted the run was good. Back on the horse, so to speak.

Yesterday was nothing short of inspiration. For the first time, I went to an actual cheering station for a marathon. Our local store of all things craft beer, wine and gourmet local food, Beer and Skittles served as a water stop and cheering station for the Kalamazoo Marathon. About Mile 14.5. Again, I went with Shawn, Jen and her family joined us. A trip to the dollar store on Saturday night provided the world's most annoying noisemakers that I passed out to all the kids - and saved some for our group too!  We arrived early enough to see the first runner pass and I stayed for two hours, until at least 80% had gone by.  The most inspirational moment was when a woman came through around the 4:45 pace (nearly 11 min/mile - not part of the fast group) stopped at the corner, hugged her two school-aged kids who gave her snacks, took her discarded hat and then her mom (I'm guessing) took a picture of all three before giving her a huge hug and sending her on her way. The pride on the face of mom was clear from across the street. I'd bet all the dollars in my purse that it was a first time marathoner. The scene choked me up for longer than I expected - I have a fear I will cry through my entire marathon, especially when I see my family. Especially at the end. Oy.

But the walk back home is what inspired this post. See, last year I ran the 5k on the same day as the marathon. It was my first official race in 11 years. Here's a brief retrospective on the races/runs I've entered in the past year:

May 2012: Borgess Run for the Health of it 5k - the one the started it all!
May 2012: Girls on the Run 5k - slowest, most fun 5k EVER
June 2012: Kalamazoo Klassic 10k - first ever race longer than 4 miles
June 2012: Seaway Run 5k - a Muskegon summer tradition
August 2012: Color Run Grand Rapids
September 2012: Warrior Dash - Seriously, what was I thinking??
October 2012: Grand Rapids Half-Marathon - This is why I ran all summer!
November 2012: Red Bull Trail Daze Adventure Run
November 2012: Muskegon Turkey Trot 5k
December 2012: Run Through the Lights 5k - Santa and his reindeer sang through the entire course!
January 1, 2013: Sgt. Preston Yukon King 6 miles - longest run since the 1/2, also the only time I've ever been last (since high school track).
March 2013: St. Patrick's Day 5k - very informal, came with a free beer at Bell's afterwards!
April 2013: Hoosier Half Marathon - Happy Birthday to ME!!!

So, when I'm beating myself up for not doing enough over the past year, for not making progress in my times and my endurance, I need to look back and see what I accomplished in one short year. I've gone from barely being able to run 2 miles to THIS. And I think it's an impressive body of work.

Now, if I can just get back on a training schedule, perhaps the short, medium and long runs won't seem so difficult.  :)

Seaway Run 2012: Love Muskegon!

Many people have joined me on these events: Kari K., Shawn B., Stephanie H., Dave W., Angela C., Jen W.,  Heather T., Jen V., Cari D., Amy N., Sarah N., Adam N., Beth M., Brian H., Kylie S., and others. Thank you all!

To donate to my Marine Corps Marathon Fundraising efforts, click here!